Bhangra at the Opera House: Part I

Cricket’s trial of the century has ended. Harbhajan Singh has been banned for three tests. I don’t yet know the details, but it’s a safe bet that the fallout will be similar to the O.J Simpson trial. With perhaps more twists and Rashomon like turns.

This isn’t cricket. This is something far more interesting.

The Indian media’s coverage of the Sydney test shows as much ironic detachment as the Bible’s telling of Jesus’s crucifixion. Added to the injury of the umpires’ Cinderella treatment is the most bewildering of insults – a Surd hailing from the vicinity of Jalianwallah Bagh stands accused and convicted of racism in the hand of sahibs! That’s a doosra the desis never saw coming out of the hand.

The Australian media, initially nodding in sympathy at the havoc wreaked by Bucknor’s deadly finger, is also getting defensive. In a hilarious piece of media sledging, Andrew Stevenson has unearthed a Brahminical conspiracy within the BCCI, to which a certain Tripathi from London dutifully posts a strong patriotic rebuttal  in Cricinfo. Gavaskar’s voice on Star suggests he’d prefer a walkout (has he told Chauhan yet?), whereas Slater clearly hasn’t retired from the old habit of charging from his position, be it midwicket or the commentary box.

Let’s set aside the tedious legalisms of the case and look at the big picture. First, what is the recent record of Indian cricket fans, vis-à-vis racism or sportsmanship?

Tackling this issue poses the same problems as selecting Bradman’s best knocks, but let me draw up a partial list – abandonment of a World Cup semi-final against Sri Lanka due to crowd trouble, hurling of bottles and abuse at West Indian outfielders in several ODIs (even when India was going strong), a chief minister and a speaker of Parliament intervening on behalf of a dropped star (the beloved Dada), vandalism of players’ homes after the World Cup debacle, the stream of invective on News Channels, physical assault on a foreign coach. We are only getting started!

Whatever qualities rush to mind in describing this crowd, the following aren’t uppermost – sense of proportion, fairness, objectivity and humor. Compare the funereal silence that greets a dashing Younus Khan century in Kotla with the gushing adulation Laxman or Tendulkar gets in Sydney. This narrow minded and obsessive parochialism is a much greater shame than any cricketing failures of the alternately adored and vilified heroes, whose last day collapses, lest one forgets, are as frequent as Britney Spears’ scandals.

Some Indians have taken refuge in the fable that “monkey” is an innocent taunt, if not a local term of endearment! Perhaps Darren Lehman’s famous description of the Lankans as black c**ts can be similarly construed as an expression of fondness, given his heterosexual leanings. Those who know India’s recent geography of chauvinism and hatred will also remember Mumbai and Gujarat’s special place in it – the location of stadiums where Symonds was heckled.

Of course, Bhajji should be convicted only on the evidence of his own suspect actions, not that of his fans, but those who see in it a collective affront should also take a close look at their collective behavior and culture.

As an equal opportunity offender, I should also dwell on the combination of sporting excellence, cultural naïvete, trashy behavior and overbearing boorishness that Australian cricket teams consistently display. When an Aussie captain, with typical haughty sense of entitlement, demands that his integrity be held beyond question, one is at a loss as to which pin to use on his balloon. Should one bring up underarm balls, aluminum bats, betting and bookie scandals, doping and sexual harassment, racial epithets, or simply their status as undisputed world champions of not only cricket but also a certain form of oral poetry

Nevertheless, gallery gossip is tiresome. What is interesting about these increasingly frequent imbroglios is that soccer, the truly global game, in spite of its frequent red cards and disputed goals and rampaging hooligans, seldom becomes an extension of identity politics. Cricket, played by a handful of countries and carrying the quaint pretensions of gentleman’s honor, is probably the only sport today which seems capable of precipitating a clash of civilizations. In the Part II of this post, I will explain my theory why this is so, and what I think should be done.